Anyone who has tried to start a new habit has struggled with willpower. The best intentions, the best plans, the best advice are sometimes no match for the hungry dieter faced with a piece of cake, or the couch potato avoiding the gym.
“I just don’t have the willpower that other people have” a client said to me recently.
As though it is something you are born with, like being tall or having naturally curly hair.
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Willpower is not an either-you-have-it-or-you-don’t proposition. Willpower is a skill. You can build your willpower, and this is the first of a four-part series on how to do that.
The first stage of willpower is insight. Insight involves taking responsibility for a problem. Insight is having some understanding how you got where you are, so that you can change it. If your narrative is “I am overweight because my wife cooks too much”, you need to work on this stage of willpower. What are you doing that leads to the uncomfortable state you are in? What habits do you have that lead to you getting that which you do not want, over and over again?
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Often we are defensive against admitting our part in a problem. But insight gives us power. When you can see a situation as self-caused, you can control your part of that situation.
When you come to terms with that, state it simply and clearly. Write it down. “I am overweight because I eat too much.” This is the first step to willpower – acknowledging that your behavior is not getting you what you want.
In Part Two of this series we will focus on motivation - coming to the conclusion that the new habit is the preferable response.
Jeanne Latiolais, PsyD.
