The lonesome Caregiver

Free time as the world know it does not exist for us.  I did start thinking about what my life is since my Brides stroke and wonder if it is worse on the male biped who is more attuned to slaying dragons than the gentle side of our lives that make life worth living.

First our social life becomes non-existent. Friends, acquaintances, and yes, family all start to pull away from us.  I could write a novel just on the excuses people have given me for not coming to visit my Bride, the same woman that gave of herself visiting the elderly, cooking for the feeble or cleaning up just being part of their lives, having the world turn and run from the sight of her.

The lonliness that I endure is only worse for her.  I go for days where the only sound of a human voice in my home belongs to me.  I no longer have friends since I can only leave when I have someone to watch over my Bride for me for 4 hours a week. I went out Tuesday to the library, a grocery store and got gas for my car. Curfew was up and I had to get home.  The only persons to speak to me was the checker to tell me 32.48,,,and mumble something like thank you....the next person wanted to know if I wanted fries with that,,,,Do I feel trapped???? In a way, I am.  My Bride needs me,,end of story.

The lack of social intercourse leads to another little trick...

I keep losing words.

That is truly terrifying.

Is my mind going the way my mothers did??  Back to where she was a little girl 70 years ago living in the coal towns in Va...I can't afford that.  I hate to talk on a phone so that is not a viable option since all I think about is hanging up..I work crosswords to make me pull words out of that little pit where the BB is rolling around. As a lot of you know, I used to be able to pull a yarn out the wood work at the drop of  a hat...Now it's an effort..

Where am I going with this???? 

I don't know,,I'm just rambling.